ME

I think I'm focusing on the wrong thing....money.  I should be focusing on me (my weight).  I am really struggling with my weight and the fact that I HAD to buy a bigger size pants (something I've avoided for a loooooonnnnnnggggggg) time.  I find myself cringing at my reflection...struggling with self-loathing...and recognizing that I have to do something NOW.  Not tomorrow.

I think this blog can help me with both.  But, I've been avoiding it because money isn't the issue for me...as much as my weight is at this time.

So I am DONEDITTYDONE with the struggle and focusing on how to get my mind in gear to make serious change NOW.

Hubby is taking me away for a night...it's our anniversary weekend....I'm expecting to really use this time to get a game plan started and take control of my weight again.  I've done this before...I can do it again.  My "skinny" clothes are waiting.

If you can relate to weight struggles, please share what has worked for you....any tips, ideas are welcome!!!!

Perspective

I'm making some progress, even though it's in my mind/mindset, it's progress.  I'm really recognizing that there isn't an easy fix to anything...that it's in the moment that I choose the long term results of such actions.  From money to weight, it's in the little things that add up.  While I'm frustrated that after 1 day of healthy eating there isn't any action on the scale...and when I crunch numbers there isn't any "new" or "magic" money that is there due to my decision to not spend...but after a few days, the scale may budge and the bank account stays (because I haven't spent)...I guess this goes along the lines of learning patience.  And maybe this is a character issue that I have yet to learn, waiting-focus-patience.

I don't like waiting. at.all.

I.want.it.now.

...yo fit in my size 8 jeans and to have debt paid off.  It's depressing to think that it will be a long time for either to happen...this is where patience comes in, along with clear vision for self.

Oftentimes the "lose weight" and the "pay off debt" resolutions seem so depressing because it's not possible to do it in a 1-year period.  Although, the lose weight part is something I can do in a year...and if I hunkered down, in 4-6 months.  I just have to maintain focus...not allow frustration to set in...and take it one day at a time.

So with this mindset comes some good movement on the home-front.  I have a pretty stocked freezer due to some awesome sales I found on beef/chicken a couple of weeks ago.  But, before I use that, I'm making a point to use up other frozen items.  I have two leftover beef soups that are in my crockpot and honestly, this is something I would have thrown out.  As I type this, I can smell the soup and it smells DELISH and with a side salad will be a perfect meal tonight.  My family won't even know it's leftovers, let alone frozen leftovers, and I'm happy that I see that one more evening that I can use my homemade frozen food, is one less day I have to spend $ on for the month..

I know this mindset is the norm for most, I guess I'm slow on the frugal uptake!

Happy 2013!

I guess it's appropriate that one of my "New Year Resolutions" is to blog.  But before I expand  on my NYR's and the like, I must acknowledge that it's been nearly 4 months since my last post.  Though I had started this blog in the summer of 2012 with the notion that I was DoneDittyDone with being in debt and overweight, the harsh reality of what that means and the time and energy it will take to tackle both, never mind one, is overwhelming.

I've been dealing with the overwhelming feeling...in someway mourning the time that I will have to give to this endeavor...and mentally preparing for the roll-up-the-sleeves-get-ready-to-work attitude that is necessary to make a dent...and it's taken me months to face this.

While I thought I should start a new blog, I like this one...and thought I should at least give it an honest 2nd chance.

So here it goes- NYR on the personal and financial front-I'll explain more over the next few days:

$ Goals
1. Pay down debt
2. Build up savings
3. Stay on budget
4. Make purposeful choices to not spend

Personal Goals:
1. Bikram Yoga- 3 times a week
2. Cardio- 2 times a week (minimum)
3.  Increase veggie intake
4. De-clutter

I know these are generic...but, each category has specific methods/purpose...I'll elaborate as I can on each.  Until then...Happy New Year....here's to 2013!!!

Reverse Psychology

I think I'm on to something. 

Since my last blog post, I've logged on completely stumped because I wanted to blog, but felt like such a loser because it seems that I really stink at money management, that I wouldn't blog...just avoid it...just forget that this blog even exists.  

Then of course, the guilt of over spending would set in and the knowledge that I lack accountability in this area would become even more obvious. I would read other blogs, and feel like I really had nothing to contribute because in my mind, my mess is way too big.

 Which brings me to about two weeks ago...when I totally forgot about money.  You see, I have this high school reunion coming up and I'm kinda freaking out about not having dropped much weight this summer.  A friend had five passes to Bikram yoga (more on that later) that she couldn't use and asked if I wanted to try out.  I had been wanting to try it...but, it's pricey, and my thinking was that I'd probably HATE it.  Well, this is the kicker...I LOVE it...and as a result, I have dropped 4lbs and 4 inches after four class (a span of about 6 days).  I felt amazing after each class...would come home and make a yummy dinner and was so relaxed that I forgot to stress about money and how bad I am with it. In fact, I and have been focusing on health/nutrition/exercise and a major benefit to that is that frugality is  practically a twin...at least for me.  Here's why: when I'm focusing on health and healthy living, I am eating at home, planning meals, buying fresh food and overall just really in tune with my mind and body and thoughtful about things...and yes, that includes money.

I want to say this is new and different...because honestly, I've never experienced any form of exercise quite like Bikram.  It's a specific type of yoga that is done in a room with temps around 104-106 F and about 40% humidity.  For 90 minutes, I don't have to think about anything...merely focus and listen and push my body...it's difficult and there have been times I want to run out of the room...but, the clarity in thinking when done is profound (at least it is for me)...and I feel less inclined to do anything that jeopardizes the inner peace I feel and that includes making poor food choices or money choices.

So, all that to say that maybe I've been focusing on the money part...when I should have been focusing on the "ME" part...and that by focusing on the "ME" part I'm able to achieve both goals...financial freedom and weight loss.  

I dunno...is it reverse psychology?  Is it a passing fad...I've been know to do that  (think Slim-in-6 impulse infomercial purchase)...hopefully, it's exactly what I need for this season in life.

AND...the best part...I had intended to purchase an unlimited monthly membership and the day I was going to purchase it...a Groupon offering a 50% discount was emailed to my phone.

Zen.

So...I've been a bad blogger...and dieter, for that matter.  This is, after all, a blog devoted to seeing weight and debt shrink.  I guess I could blame it on moving...on vacation...on not being on schedule...but, then, that would just be a bunch of excuses.

And I hate excuses.

So, I won't apologize for not paying down debt or gaining about 3 lbs....I'll just chalk it up to life.  Which includes...are you ready...mini-vacay, moving my parents, moving our family, possibly short selling, unpacking, a second mini vacay and a future mini vacay.  And when I say vacay, I mean, staying with family and getting out of town for as little (cost wise) as possible.  It seems we spend more when we are in town...go figure.

As I mentioned earlier, we moved.  And in that move comes purging and more purging.  Currently, I have a bedroom filled to the brim with "I can't let go of..." items.  My daughter even called me a paper hoarder, which I found offensive...but, that's another blog.  Also, in that move comes-what do we do with our first home...which is tragically underwater.

We are getting through the must-do's...and when we're done, it's likely it will be time for school/work to start back up.  Which is fine...except, I had hoped to have lost about 40 lbs...not, really, maybe 20...and I'll be lucky to have dropped 10 lbs.

Why can't I seem to put ME as a priority?  Maybe it's because I'm carting kids around...I like wine...I am still in moving/unpacking mode and my one event consists of wine shared with my hubby.  I spend on the go...and I don't make time for me.

Goal for this week:
Work out 3 out of the 5 days
Cut back on wine after dinner.

We shall see...

Communication...or rather, lack thereof...

Just when I thought things were progressing, I realize that I'm overdrawn on my bank account.  It wasn't my doing, hubby decided to make purchases and while they were necessities, the timing was off.  Our new home does not have much in the way of storage.  Hubby usually installs closet organizers (the kind you get at Home Depot) and we priced and measured what we would need for the bedrooms and it was in the $2000-$2500 range.  Yikes!  So when he found something that would work and it was high quality at Costco, for about $450, he thought it was a deal.  I came home to find two shelving units in our closet and one in our daughters room and was happy to have functionality back in my bedroom, but, really hate the thought of our next paycheck being spoken for.

I'm disheartened, and sometimes I feel that hubby gets real closed minded when I try to talk to him and he takes it personally...I certainly don't want to fight.  I'm really stressing the need to communicate...I hope he's listening.

On another note, I'm down about 3 lbs., and it's not even my weigh-in day!  Yay!  I've been walking/jogging/running 2-4 miles a day this week, watching what I eat, loading up on fruits/veggies AND no alcohol...:)  I feel hopeful....

...and hope is a nice feeling to have.

Confessional...

Again, this blog is helping me face some things in my life that I've been in denial over...I've been in an over consumption state, while thinking that I'm pretty frugal because I don't go to Starbucks daily.  Over consumption that is evidenced in food, drink, health, money and I've finding that it's harder to break habits than I thought.  

Food:

I'm already over budget...have been for the last week.  I did what I could last week to make it Father's Day and then shopped because we hosted the festivities.  It was pot-luck, which helped, but we bought the main dish items...which is fine, in years past we would have dropped $150 easy on taking family out to lunch.  Plus, hubby made a mental point to grill portion friendly servings so we had left over meat to use for the week.  I'm trying to figure what to make for dinner and I need some "items" at the store...but, I'm not going to the store and need to make do...at least, that's my resolve now, hopefully, it will be the same come 4 p.m. 

Drink:

Our alcohol tab is outta control...even drinking at home (versus going out) is literally draining our grocery budget.  However, hubby and I recently found ourselves sans kids and a gorgeous summer evening in our new home and he went out and got a bottle of wine so we could sit on our porch and savor the moment.  It was awesome.  It was not planned.  It was a poignant moment in our summer.  It was not budgeted.  These "moments" seem to happen often...like we are celebrating...and in many ways we are...but, why does it have to include alcohol?

Health:

Surprisingly, this area has been pretty good.  I've been going to the gym daily and really trying...however, no progress due to many empty calories from wine or mixed drinks.  So, hubby and I made a pact...we are BOTH going to avoid alcohol so that we can support each other and our goals.  This means that Happy Hour with my girlfriends will need to be restructured...and our "moments" to celebrate need to be commemorated in a different manner...but, the goal is improved health.

Money:

We have been mindful of spending and it's noticeable in our bank account and the fact that we are not overdrawn.  We just moved and have cut our expenses, but, we still have our other home that we are trying to rent.  We are in a quandary and will need to make some decisions soon if we are unable to find renters.  I'm dreading all of that, but, at the same time want to get a move in the right direction financially.  I'm thankful we were able to buy at a very low price in a nice neighborhood.  

Overall, I feel hopeful...I feel like I'm really seeing myself and my habits for what they are...unhealthy spiritually, physically and financially...and they are all intertwined.  I want change NOW.  I want to be out of debt NOW.  I want to lose 25 lbs NOW.  And I know that it doesn't work that way...and though that is frustrating and at times I feel defeated....(the "I will never" set in..."I will never be able to wear my skinny clothes"..."I will never pay off debt"...you get the drift), it's imperative that I stay accountable to keep my path straight.

So, for dinner, I'm thawing out the meat and pinto beans I made last week-adding taco seasoning, cooking the veggies I have on hand (zucchini, eggplant, tomato, bell pepper) adding some cheese and place in a tortilla for the family (I will just eat as is-no tortilla for me <sniff, sniff> )....I'm not going to the store...we don't have any wine in the house which is fine by me...and hubby and I plan to take a walk after dinner...maybe a magical moment will happen...:)